Tuesday, May 8, 2012

If all Superheroes dressed like Wonder Woman

There's a picture floating around Facebook where Wonder Woman says, "If I don't get pants, no one gets pants." ... now let's see if I can link to that picture. https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/545803_419539401398843_100000283604812_1543425_1291662531_n.jpg
While I appreciate the artist's efforts and intent, I think she kind of missed the boat here. Putting Wonder Woman in a ludicrous outfit wasn't an effort to humiliate her (a la Green Lantern's skirt). It was an attempt to turn her into a sex object --- complete with a bustier that in reality, if she were to fight, there's no way her boobs would stay inside that thing. The question the artist should have asked herself was not "What would embarrass a man?" but rather, "What outfits would turn a man into the same ludicrous level of sex-object?"
Or to put it less delicately, since Wonder Woman looks dressed more for porn than for fighting crime, how would we dress the male superheroes for porn? Oh, but not straight porn. Everybody knows straight porn is as aimed toward straight men as comic books are. How would we dress male superheroes for gay porn?

So, I give you ...

Superman
 (note that in none of these have I removed the original logo and replaced it with Wonder Woman's. That was just silly.)

Batman
(Sorry, Bats: WW doesn't get a mask, so neither do you. I hope you like your bat-ear tiara.)


Aquaman
(Okay, so Aquaman's costume isn't that different from your typical Olympic swimmer. Except the silly gloves.)

All 4 Green Lanterns of Earth (or rather, space sector whatever-it's-called *g*)

And I threw in Captain Marvel
(trademarked as Shazam! because Marvel comics also has a Captain Marvel. Note the lightning bolt cut-out in the center of the chest, a la Power Girl. [look it up] *g*)


And Nightwing (aka Dick Grayson, who used to be Batman's original Robin.)

Enjoy, ladies! And, crime-fighters, watch out for chaffing.